July 24, 2015

Worst live-action superhero costumes ever

Newsarama has another Top 10 list up, this time dealing with, well, what the title says above, natch.

But, of course, yours truly has some issues with their list (not many, 'tho), and is here to provide you with some notable omissions.

First, the omissions:

* Thor from The Incredible Hulk Returns. Yes, Marvel's TV Hulk was still riding along in the late 1980s, and in the character's TV films from these years they intro'd a few other Marvel characters. In this case we have ... Thor:

Yeah, it was bad enough that the dude who played Donald Blake was totally lame (no pun intended), and that Bill Bixby concocted yet another ridiculous barely-veiled pseudonym for David Banner. But the real guffaw was Eric Kramer's Thor. As bad as the knee-slapping outfit is, the bellowing "ODIIIIIIIIN!!!" he yells to transform into the Thunder God is even worse.

* Captain America from the straight-to-video 1990 Captain America. I recall leaving a movie in the late 1980s near UD and seeing a poster on the wall with "COMING SOON" on it. Right underneath was one image: Cap's shield.

Fortunately, the flick went straight to video. Because it's so God-awful. An Italian as the Red Skull? Check. Cap kicking a missile to change its course before it strikes Washington DC? Uh huh. And the list can go on and on. But who the f*** cast Matt Salinger (perhaps best known as one of the jocks in Revenge of the Nerds) as the Star-Spangled Avenger ... and who allowed that "costume" to be used??

I've seen better on "Saturday Night Live."

* Spider-Man from his 1970s TV show. OK, it's easy to jump on something from almost forty years ago, but not only was the costume pathetic (steely, hole-filled eyes, one over-sized web-shooter which we never actually saw shoot anything), when Nicholas Hammond assumed his Spidey role, he never said anything!

Oh, and don't forget to marvel at the "cool" negative photograph image effect for Pete's "spider-sense." Ugh.

* The Flash from the 1989 TV series. I know superheroes are supposed to be quite muscular, but c'mahn -- the Flash runs. Runs a lot. And quite fast. So, what's up with this ridiculous (and lame) musculature?

* Green Goblin from Spider-Man. Willem Dafoe has one of the best faces naturally for ugly grimaces and the like, so what do the creators behind the first Spidey flick do? Give him a stupid helmet-like mask which completely obscures his features:

Now, reactions to Newsarama's list:

#10. Daredevil from The Trial of the Incredible Hulk. I tend to give this a lot of leeway as it's actually not all that dissimilar from the movie Daredevil outfit -- except the color. And when you think about it, black makes sense: DD is blind, after all.

#8. The Hulk from Ang Lee's Hulk. Yeah, ok, maybe the CGI could have been better (it was a dozen years ago), and yeah, the story sucked. But the effects weren't that bad, and the movie (and character) should be be applauded for how immensely powerful they made the Jade Giant.

Consider how "de-powered" the hero from the follow-up film was compared to Eric Bana's alter ego. Jumping miles in a single leap (Bana's -- which is how it should be) vs. having to jump from building to building (Edward Norton's)? I'll take the former. Unfortunately, The Avengers films have followed The Incredible Hulk's version of the Green Goliath's leg muscles.

#4. Captain America from the 1970s TV series. Spot-on, here. Though Reb Brown was a great choice to play Steve Rogers, the costume (especially the motorcycle helmet) is a knee-slapper.

#3. Catwoman, Halle Berry's version. Stop. Enough. It's Halle-freakin'-Berry, OK? She can wear whatever the f*** she wants and I'll watch it.

Posted by Hube at July 24, 2015 12:21 PM | TrackBack

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