December 29, 2013

Who'da thought?

Have you ever wondered if refusing to date a transgender woman is bigoted? Here's the answer you'd probably expect from a place like the Democratic Underground. (Beware: Major deconstructivist-type euphemisms and jargon. If you haven't a clue as to what's being said, don't feel too bad):

... the answer is somewhere between no not necessarily but probably so. In that, a narrative of desire around trans bodies does not exist & in that absence one of degradation and shame is offered in its place. So automatically you have sexualities and accompanying desires shaped in a context of transphobia, which both excludes and pathologizes trans bodies as abhorrent.

A lot of male sexuality is also constructed around employing hierarchies of womanhood as trophies, to prove their own worth and engage in a process of gendering themselves through access to womens’ bodies. Within that framework, some hold more currency and others (transwomen) can actually subvert heteronormative male sexualities. The opinions and shared norms of sexuality among peers, performed on womens’ bodies, plays a huge part in constructing their sexuality as well. You can imagine where transwomen fall on this scale. There’s also the fact that most men dont even have enough literacy of our bodies and our lives to even know who we are and if they are attracted to us. And dont attempt to do so because of cisnormativity.

With that being said, we live in the world we live in. If a man chooses not to date a transwoman, whatever the reason, that is his choice (though one probably informed by cisnormativity.) I am however concerned with if, in not dating transwomen, he also reinforces cissexism and transphobia in his words and actions. Everything is not for everybody nor does it have to be (even though ironically transwomen seem to always get the short end of this stick hmmm.) But what are men doing to not actively continue & participate in this cycle of shame around transwomens’ bodies? What are they doing to stop putting our lives at risk? How are they discussing our bodies and lives? In choosing not to date us, are they offering up bioessentialist rhetoric and trying to delegitimize/undermine our genders?

If you managed all the "-ism" lingo you probably see the conclusion is yes -- if you're a [straight] male and will not date a transgendered woman, you're engaging in bigotry. And further, by not doing so, you're even putting transgendered folks' lives at risk! How about that, eh?

Posted by Hube at December 29, 2013 07:30 PM | TrackBack

Comments  (We reserve the right to edit and/or delete any comments. If your comment is blocked or won't post, e-mail us and we'll post it for you.)

I'd prefer to date an actual woman, one who is born a woman and has always been a woman.

Posted by: Carl at December 29, 2013 07:40 PM

And since I am a straight man and don't want to date a gay man I am homophobic. And if I don't want to date a particular woman I am probably sexist. Basically no matter what I do I'm at fault. So let me get it out of the way now - I'm sorry.

Posted by: Arthur at December 29, 2013 09:03 PM

My preference is for natural women, not artificially constructed ones who are really nothing more than men who subjected themselves to genital mutilation due to their own psychological instability. That doesn't make me afraid of them or hateful of them -- it just means that I don't want the drama associated with virtually every transsexual I have ever met.

Posted by: Rhymes With Right at December 29, 2013 10:32 PM

Same here, Rhymes. I like natural women, too, and feeling that way doesn't make one a "bigot" or a "transphobe" (another made-up PC buzzword).

Posted by: Carl at December 30, 2013 12:26 AM

Art: My sentiments exactly.

Posted by: Hube at December 30, 2013 10:17 AM

Good points, Art. I feel the same way.

Posted by: Carl at December 30, 2013 01:19 PM

I'l admit it: I had to look up the cockamamie term "cisnormativity."

And no, were I single, I would not choose to date a man who had been castrated and had fake breasts glued to his chest.

Posted by: Dana at December 31, 2013 06:45 PM

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