March 22, 2009

Warning: Totally un-P.C. nuggets you didn't hear from Obama on the "Tonight Show"

Via e-mail courtesy of my pal Greg:

  • "Thanks for having me on the show, Jay. You seem like a pretty nice guy for an Italian. [Tony Soprano impersonation] Ayyyy! Fuggetaboutit!"

  • "Kevin Eubanks, how are ya, man? Is Jay letting you come in through the front entrance yet? No? It's okay, I do the same thing to Biden."

  • "I stopped by Hollywood earlier. Or as I call it, Little Israel. I dropped a penny on the sidewalk and lost 3 Secret Service guys."

  • "You think being the first black president is easy? Every time I leave the White House, Secret Service checks my pockets for silverware."

  • "Yeah, John McCain and I get along. Although he always freezes me out when I try to give him a high five! [audience groans] What, too soon?"

  • "Sarah Palin and I don't talk much, 'cause I don't speak Tardese. 'Doy! Durr! Look at my dumb baby!' [audience member boos] Oh, lighten up."

  • "Ya know, I thought about picking a female VP too. But I've already got somebody to clean my house and fetch me beers! Am I right, fellas?"

  • "Any Irish folks in the audience? Don't raise your hand, you might spill your drink. 'When Oirish oys are smilin'...'" [staggers, pretends to vomit]

  • "Another great thing about LA is all the fags. [audience hisses] OK, OK, Faggot-Americans. Hey, I got no problem with it. After all, I did hire Rahm Emmanuel!"

  • "You know what cracks me up? Chinese people. [sticks front teeth over bottom lip and pushes back corners of eyes] 'Herro, Mistel Plesident!'"

  • "People ask what scares me most. Iran? The economy? Try: Waking up every morning next to She-Hulk! Oh, I'm gonna get it when I come home."

Posted by Hube at March 22, 2009 08:19 PM | TrackBack

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